I have followed through with my macabre tradition, and thankfully it has worked for the eighth time in my life - I feel emotionally ready for the imminent operation. I've cleared my mind of regrets, wishes, and statements that most people wait too long to say. I'm ready. I can go into that operating room knowing that I am completely at peace with my life, what I have accomplished, and who I have loved along the way. No matter how morbid this tradition of mine may seem, at least it's effective.
In approximately five hours I will go under general anesthesia for the eighth time in my life (I think that count is correct...) The diseased fat cells in my upper arms and my right thigh will be removed. This moment has been nine years in the making. Last night (or tonight, depending on how you look at it since it's 2:30am and I haven't gone to bed yet...) I realized how bizarre and surreal it seems, to think that today my arms are the way they have almost always been - too big, painful, weak, discolored. But tomorrow, tomorrow they will be different. They are here today, but wil be gone tomorrow. That is a radically uplifting thought. I will be one step closer to having my arms back, my thigh back; my life back.
After the operation, my friend
Jay will post a guest blog entry here, letting everyone know that I've made it through alright (as I'm sure I will). The nervousness I felt before has gone and it has been replaced with hope and anticipation. The pain may be inevitable, but it will be transitory. I think I'm ready to face it now.
