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I love peanut butter. Peanut butter is the best thing for all of us sandwich eaters. Creamy, chunky, honey-roasted - all varieties of peanut butter could save us from utter destruction! George Washington Carver was a great man, a visionary, the wisest man to ever walk the earth! We should all follow in his peanut buttery footsteps. Anyone who doesn't like peanut butter is a right wing jamstian fundie, a liar, an imbecile. And yet, grape jelly actually won. Morons! Peanut butter's way, way better. Jelly just smeared us in its evil sadistic jammy purpleness and too many peanut-lovers were stuck to their seats, which kept them from going out and buying peanut butter. Yup, that explains it. Peanut butter didn't lose, we were jammed. Anyone who hates peanut butter's evil, they're just too stupid to notice peanut butter's obvious superiority and they don't deserve to buy peanut butter, let alone go inside the grocery store. They're so stupid and so blind to the truth of the peanuts that it's downright unbelievable.
Hmm, or maybe if I'd quit calling people nasty names just for preferring a different schmear than me, we could actually make a delightful sandwich together... Without the name calling and viciousness, that peanut butter tastes real good with a bit of grape jelly. I'd better get started soon, or my bread will go stale, and then, no sandwiches for anybody.
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